I am lucky enough to be in Bangladesh for Eid al-Adha, the commemoration of Abraham’s near-miss sacrifice of his son Isaac (which is a whole topic in itself - suffice to say that I’m not a big fan of Kierkegaard) and the time of Hajj. Neil spent the 2005 Eid in Pakistan and told me that I was insane to want to set foot outside the hotel that day - said the experience had turned him into an “aspirational vegetarian”. I’m already vegetarian, so I don’t see that as being a problem.
So if I’m honest, I am looking for death. When I leave the guest house that morning, there’s no sense of tension building. The streets are much more quiet than usual, empty of cars at least (something that I would have found impossible to imagine for myself, in Dhaka) but with rickshaws and tuktuks plenty, taking people from house to house. Dhaka feels almost serene today, released from the coffee-mill grind of daily life and the coffee-coloured smog that the city roasts in.

Children race over the puddles in bare feet, pouring out from the shanties around the lake. I walk and walk but don’t see anything apart from the usual beggars, dipping on crutches or pulling themselves over the ground towards me. Yet even they are less obvious this morning, drawn towards the mosque to wait for the zakat that will inevitably follow the morning prayer. Around 8.30, groups of men in white shirts carrying round wooden blocks and long sharp knives begin to congregate at the gates of the residential compounds. The sounds of prayers finishing open up the streets, and families emerge blinking into the hawkers and beggars, momentarily disoriented before they head home to begin their rituals. The cows and goats line the streets as if they were waiting for a bus to arrive.

I am still wondering where all the sacrifices are, but then I realise that I am in the midst of it all. There was no elaborate preparation for any of this, all the animals had been bought in the days and weeks before, families saving up for the purchase, some of them buying shares in an animal with their neighbours. There isn’t much sense of occasion, I feel, it’s more as if this is just something they have to get over with so their day of rest, of family, of celebration, can begin.
Goats are easy - a couple of men to hold them down is all it takes, the noise and fuss are minimal, no rope required. Cows are a different story. The beast needs binding, the front legs tied tightly together while the rear legs are looped twice. A man takes each side of the head, gripping the horns and twisting it to face the sky. If things go well, the rear legs are pulled sharply away; if things don’t go well, if the cow is strong, it jumps and kicks, escaping the rope. The children scream with excitement and try to get closer to the action.
It’s only postponing the inevitable; eventually the rope takes hold and the cow falls like a fat man stumbling, while the children are waved away by the slaughtermen. Once the cow is down (and only then) it starts to realise what is happening - but also to realise that it’s too late. It stops struggling almost as soon as it starts, becoming less vigorous as all four legs are tied into one and four men kneel upon its body.

The first cut is made by the official slaughterman, deputised by a mosque, just below the jaw, followed by a swift sawing through the meat. At first the inside of the throat looks like papier mache that’s been left in the rain, slack and sagging; but, as the blood overflows the body like a bath that’s been left running too long, it looks more like a series of red ballons, punctured by an angry white windpipe that contracts with futile energy.
About 50 seconds after the first cut, the body remembers what it is. The chest heaves again, the legs kicking once they’ve been unbound, as if they might by chance get some revenge on their murderers. It’s all in vain, of course; the children scurry out of the way of the flailing hooves, in bare feet through puddles which are now blood, rather than water. The other animals remain calm, and I realise that they don’t recognise their own death even when they stare it in the face, sniffing instead at the blood in the hope of fodder.

A man in white goes past on a rickshaw, his hands covered with the red ink from the book of life, as the butcher takes over the duties, slitting the gizzard vertically and peeling it back. He is brilliantly efficient, marking out the flesh in portions for distribution. The rich distribute this meat to the poor, and those children in the shanties will eat very well tonight.
I watch the act of death several times, each time noting new details, techniques not always widely shared, the different circumstances of each sacrifice, the character of the animal itself. None of it horrifies me; at least this places the killing where people will have no illusions about where there food comes from. In some ways it feels more humane than the western mode of killing - indoors, out of sight, industrial - because here the value of the animal is felt more keenly.
After a while, I don’t feel like there’s any more that I can learn from seeing all this. Details aside, every killing is the same at its core, and eventually I come to find it as tedious as the butchers must, diving blade first into yet another gut. The killing will continue without me, of course, and so I return to the hotel for breakfast with my colleagues, where I will not talk about anything that I’ve seen this morning.