April, 2008

film / music — No Comments
30
Apr 08

Tony Stark meet Tony Starks

Considering that I’m about to go on a fanboy rampage over the Iron Man film and considering that Ghostface Killah (aka Pretty Toney, aka Tony Starks) is riding high on my playlist, I’m not sure how I missed this report from MTV last year: Ghostface Killah’s Iron Man Obsession Lands Him A Cameo In Upcoming Comic Book Flick. The whole thing sounds a bit Entourage to me, but this quote is a work of genius:

I jumped in there for maybe 12 or 16 bars, nothing too major. It was a good look for the kid because Robert Downey Jr. recognized me as soon as I seen him. He was like, ‘Yo, Tony!’ … For him to recognize me, I was kinda surprised by that. I didn’t know he even knew about the kid. … We called each other Tony onscreen. I’m like, ‘Tony Stark, I got your jet, I didn’t mess it up.’ He was like, ‘I got the Bentley for you, I laced it up.’ I had two girls with me, I was like, ‘That’s you [pointing toward the girls].’ I sent two birds at him. It was a wrap for that scene. He’s a cool dude and funny. Big up to Robert Downey Jr.

Anybody who talks about themselves in the third person as “the kid” has my respect, naturally, but “I jumped in there for maybe 12 or 16 bars, nothing too major” is possibly the best description of a cameo appearance in a film ever.

squid — 3 Comments
28
Apr 08

Is it Colossal, and is it a squid?

It must be a Colossal Squid. Some of you may already know that I am a big fan of Colossal Squid (known to their mates as Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni), to the extent that I once developed a treatment for a film about my own hunt for the colossal squid that took my left eye. The plan was that the film would be a huge success and the profits would pay for me to actually go on the hunt for the colossal squid that the film depicted. Now that’s some metafiction right there.

What do I love about Colossal Squid?

  1. Whale vs Squid action. “The colossal squid… was identified first in 1925 from two tentacles found in a sperm whale’s stomach. These deep-diving toothed whales regularly do battle with Mesonychoteuthis and other giant cephalopods such as the giant squid of the Architeuthis genus.”
  2. Tentacle club with swivelling hooks. They come in handy for the whale vs squid action. They also have the largest eyes in the animal kingdom, but what are they going to do – have a staring contest with a sperm whale?
  3. Poor dining. “Calamari as big as car tires might sound an appetizing idea, but jumbo-sized squid usually contain high levels of ammonia and their meat is said to taste like floor cleaner.” That’s right – even if the whale wins, the whale loses.
  4. Own blog and webcam. That’s right – the Museum of New Zealand’s Te Papa centre is defrosting and examining their specimen, so you can visit the blog or view the webcams. I’m looking forward to pay-per-view whale vs squid action – now that’s entertainment!
funny? — No Comments
24
Apr 08

Unexpected use of zombies #23: philosophical comedy

Whether you find Overcoming Bias’ Zombies: The Movie at all funny will depend on your answers to the following questions:

If you answer yes to both of the above, then click through. Bonus geek laffs:

Only at a combination science fiction and open-source convention would it be possible to attend a session on knife-throwing, cry “In the name of Bayes, die!”, throw the knife, and then have a fellow holding a wooden shield say, “Yes, but how do you determine the prior for where the knife hits?”

writing — 2 Comments
22
Apr 08

Secret origins of the falling man

It’s a terrible thing that I have done and now it’s too late to take it back.

As I take that first and final step, I wish that Jane was here with me, to hold my hand as I fall. I never dreamed that I could be that selfish. There’s a brief moment where I feel like Wile E. Coyote racing across the abyss, and then friend gravity takes my hand instead. The cars shuffle past like a deck of cards, too fast for the eye to follow. I wish I had never done this, but I remember why I did it. If I had my genie, three wishes in my pocket, and if I was standing up there again -

I would do it exactly the same, and I would regret it exactly the same, and I wouldn’t wish this on anybody. It feels as if I was always waiting, and now everything is happening at once. Each storey is a second less of life, and it takes so long for the seconds to pass. I can’t keep my eyes open. The wind hurts them. And I can’t breathe, the air isn’t in my lungs any longer. Before I close my eyes one last time, what can I see?

A short way down the road below me, there’s a man standing next to a sports car who hasn’t seen me, yet. There’s three council bins, neatly lined up, coming closer and closer. There’s a skip parked outside a building site opposite, full to the brim with twisted metal and concrete blocks, garnished with fast food packaging. A cat jumps from the skip in alarm. It can’t see me but it knows I’m here. The man next to the car sees the cat, and then he glances up and he sees me. He doesn’t look surprised. It seems like he recognises me, but how can I see that when I can’t even focus on my own hands in front of me, how can I see his face so clearly? He smiles. I wish -

I wish -

- now I can’t even remember why I’ve done this. Three wishes, you promised me three wishes –

- I wish.

Oh, Jane. I love you. I -

iraq / politics / serbia — No Comments
18
Apr 08

Can you wrap that turbo prop for me?

The New York Times reports on the difficulties of equipping Iraq’s armed forces without running into incompetence and corruption (two problems which usually go hand-in-hand). The ever-vigilant Talisman Gate dissects the article and points out the key phrase:

Those with knowledge of the Serbian arms deal said they knew of no specific crimes, but warned that with so little transparency and such poor oversight, problems were likely to emerge, as they did with the 2004 deal.

So no actual problems, just the hint of problems to come! It’s a whole new form of predictive journalism over there at the NYT.

All I can think of, however, is that there’s something vaguely yet deeply ironic about one country that we invaded buying arms behind our backs from another country that we invaded. Gosh, anybody would think that the international arms trade was riddled with corrupt practices that undermine efforts to establish transparency and accountability in developing countries, and clearly that can’t be right!

iraq / life / montenegro / Sought My Company Voluntarily, Now Regretful / video — No Comments
16
Apr 08

You’re Moving Where Now?

Rupert and family are moving from the wilds of London to the far more civilised Vancouver Island in Canada, which I believe used to be part of the British Empire until they had their membership revoked for being too close to the US. (Geography fact: Vancouver Island has a larger population than Montenegro.)

Rupert Howe

I’m proud to say that I knew Rupert before he became a big vlogging star and sold out to The Man – he directed our award-winning (ahem) short film “Tracks”, back when we were in short trousers. For a while I was worried that he would drop out of film-making completely, but he came back from a completely unexpected angle – using his mobile phone camera to shoot and edit short films about his life.

Video-blogging can easily turn into navel-gazing, but he managed to avoid this when he started out by posting what were essentially comedy sketches about a movie geek trapped in a dull office job in his dad’s company. The fact that Rupert was in fact a movie geek trapped in a dull office job in his dad’s company only made the sketches funnier. And sadder. But mainly funnier.

Now he’s all growed up – married to Kate, father of Amy, and no longer working in the dull office job – and his vlogs focus on his real life as opposed to his fantasy life. It’s great stuff, mainly because his slightly manic delivery makes for compelling viewing, but he’s also just a great bloke. Witness one of his recent posts, where he laments the annihilation of the local Post Office and interviews his local PO manager Mrs Patel.

The Minute wishes him the best of British in the New World. Please do keep videoblogging – I would join you, except my cellphone is nowhere near as flash as yours.

life / montenegro — 2 Comments
10
Apr 08

Meet the Neighbours

My life: a goat and a bag of cement.

Please, no obscene jokes.

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