Fanboy Blowout

I cannot conceal my forbidden passion for superhero comics. I don’t buy them any more, and I promise that the Flex Mentallo miniseries was the last comic that I’ll illegally download. Whenever I pass Forbidden Planet, though, I feel my inner fanboy struggling to emerge into the neon striplighting and greasy carpets.

Sometimes I try to pretend that I’m interested in comics because they’re a valid art form in themselves - which is true, but it’s also quite a transparent excuse. No, the truth is that I grew up reading superhero comics, and I like to read about people with energy blasts, magic hammers and adamantium claws beating the crap out of each other. The only time that people suspect this about me is when a film based on a superhero comic is released - I tend to get inordinately excited even when (and this is the giveaway) the film itself is clearly rancid nonsense.

However it’s more socially acceptable to like films about superheros than to read comics about superheros - which is a whole topic in itself, probably. So next year promises promises a bumper crop of movies about which I will get inordinately excited, allowing my inner fanboy to accost all and sundry while I explain exactly why I don’t think that Gwyneth Paltrow will make a good Pepper Potts (I know, that’s obscure, even for me). In reverse order:

3. Batman: The Dark Knight.

I’m mixed on this one. The first film was great right up until the last 20 minutes, at which point it became clear that they’d introduced too many ingredients and didn’t know how to get the thing out of the oven. The second one will no doubt be tighter but, like Mr Shyminsky, I’m not convinced by this version of the Joker. So Batman is beaten out by…

2. Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

The first Hellboy film was more fun than a barrel full of demon monkeys, but had the thankless task of introducing a backstory that’s so complicated that even Mike Mignola can’t remember half of it. The plus side is that this sequel won’t be bogged down by so much exposition. Guillermo del Toro is always an interesting director, and Ron Perlman was born to play the lead role in this film, cigar and all - yes, Ron Perlman was born smoking a cigar, fact fans!

However the actor in our #1 spot is as perfect for his role as it’s possible to be, so Hellboy takes silver while gold goes to…

1: Iron Man

Two words: Robert Downey, Jr. Okay, three words. This will rock like Gibraltar.